After the Funeral
At Sheenan Funeral Home, the help we give does not end at the conclusion of the funeral service. Before and during the funeral service, the Sheenan staff listens carefully to the families and offers support. After every funeral, a funeral director will call on the family to see how they are doing and to make sure that the services met their expectations. The directors at Sheenan Funeral Home really care about the families they serve and truly want for their families to learn to live a healthy life after surviving the loss of someone close. Once the funeral has been completed, there are other matters which need to be taken care of. To aid families with these concerns, Sheenan Funeral Home has created their own pamphlet titled "What to do after the Funeral." This pamphlet, which is available only to Sheenan's families, is a guide for taking care of the many things related to the deceased such as bank accounts, Social Security, transferring property titles and more.
Bereavement
Funerals help people to remember and grieve because we are so removed from death, we don't often acknowledge that it is a natural part of life and should be observed with ceremony just as we observe life's other occasions such as births, graduations, weddings and anniversaries. That's why Sheenan Funeral Home believes a meaningful funeral to be so important. Ritual is comforting, connects us to others, offers a feeling of safety and aids in the grieving process. Personalizing the funeral to reflect the life of the deceased also comforts mourners. It makes the ceremony unique and sometimes requires participation which can positively stimulate emotion. The "Sensitive Service" the Sheenan Funeral Home practices begins when they ask to learn about the person they will be caring for. Often in the initial conference, something may be said about a person's life, hobby or affiliations may spark an idea by one of the staff on a way to make a funeral special. Families are encouraged to place photographs and memorabilia around the funeral home to add to the recognition to that special life that was once lived. Visitation hours can also be tailored to fit a families needs. At Sheenan Funeral Home, the door does not close once the ceremony is complete. They also continue to be available for their families long after ceremony is over.
Grieving Seminars:
Twice a year Sheenan Funeral Home holds seminars covering aspects of grieving. The seminars are offered to client families as well as the general public.Memorial Services
Holiday Tribute:
Previous holiday Memorial Tributes were held for families in the community who experienced a loss the past year. There was a candle lighting ceremony remembering loved ones. Angel gift pins were distributed to everyone, and in conclusion families were asked to pick up their personalized ornament with the name of the deceased loved one and place it on the memorial tree that was on display in the funeral home lobby.
The families were treated to refreshments while they watched the Special Video Tribute especially designed from photos of the individual loved ones that had been previously sent to Sheenan Funeral Home. These photos were set to vivid scenery and classical music to form the perfect way to say this person mattered in their life.
Books on Support
Sheenan Funeral Home maintains a small lending library for families and the local community. They also have a good selection of pamphlets covering a wide range of grieving situations. Here is a list of some of the books in the library:
Can Mom Live Alone? Practical Advice on Helping Parents Stay in Their Own Home by Vivian F. Carlin, Ph.D., published by Lexington Books (out of print). Though the title specifies women, aging widowers are in the same situation. Dr. Carlin was formerly a supervisor in the NJ State Division on Aging. She was involved in developing new programs such as "Elderly Home Conversion" and Congregate Housing Services." Her advice covers everything one needs to know about living at home, enhancing independence and includes dealing with financial issues.
A Child's Parent Dies Studies in Childhood Bereavement by Erna Furman, published by Yale University Press. This is a very in-depth study of twenty-three children who have suffered the death of a parent during their childhood. The book covers grief and mourning, depression and apathy. Not light reading - but very informative.
Concerning Death: A Practical Guide for the Living Published by Beacon Press, edited by Earl Grollman. This book, written by number of people covers a wide range of topics relating to death. From caring for a dying person, to funerals and methods of disposition. They also discuss legal and financial issues as well as examining Catholic, Protestant and Jewish view on death and how they mourn.
Disenfranchised Grief Recognizing Hidden Sorrow by Kenneth J. Doka, published by Lexington Books. Some people experience a loss and their grief may go unrecognized by the people around them. They may be in a position where they cannot openly grieve or attend the funeral for a number of reasons. This book explores the many circumstances that can give rise to disenfranchised grief. Doka writes on disenfranchised relationships, loss and grief and provides a number of different professional perspectives.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Colgrove, Ph.D., Bloomfield, M.D. & McWilliams, published by Prelude Press. Over 2 million copies in print, this book has been called by some a true life-saver! Written by two counselors and a poet, this book is not a long worded essay on survival. It contains short poems, words and sentences grouped in an order which provides accurate insights, ideas and suggestions on surviving a loss. This is not a book to be read cover to cover and put on a shelf, but to be referred to daily as the reader learns to adapt and survive his or her loss.
Stillborn — The Invisible Death by John DeFrain and others, published by Lexington Books. Based on the interviews of hundreds of mothers and fathers this book covers from the initial shock to the eventual acceptance which parents experience with a stillborn loss. The writers provide, insight and advice on dealing with the loss for parents, friends and those who want to learn more.
Sudden Infant Death Enduring the loss by Defrain, Ernst, Jakub and Taylor, published by Lexington Books. While this book can not answer "why?" it does answer many of the questions one may ask and offers insight on some of the questions that are not raised. This book is not solely focused on the parents - it includes grandparents and siblings as well.
The Gift of Significance Walking With People Through a Grief by Doug Manning, published by In-Sight Books, Inc. Though everyone grieves in their own way, Manning pulls out the common threads and shares his insights. He talks about death as a passage and the rituals of dying and of grief. Caring and being understood are also important factors in this easy to read book written in conversational style.
The Journey Through Grief Reflections on healing by Alan D. Wolfelt Ph.D., published by Companion Press. Organized on what Wolfelt describes as six needs of all mourners, he covers the spiritual needs as well as the physical and emotional needs. Alan Wolfelt is a Grief Educator and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Colorado. His writings appear in many nationwide publications and holds seminars on grief topics through out the country. He is also one of the grief educators who are widely referred to in many mortuary schools.
When Love Gets Tough The Nursing Home Decision by Doug Manning, published by In-Sight Books, Inc. The book is in four parts: Making the decision - Implementing the decision - Adjusting to the decision - Living with the decision. Manning helps the reader understand the reasons behind the choice in order to allow the decision to be made with less guilt and fear. Other recommended books include:
Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man and Life's Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom, published by Doubleday Books. Former sociology professor Morrie Schwartz was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, known as ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease in 1994 at the age of 77. Visited by a former student, Mitch Albom, Morrie talks a lot about life, death and letting go. This extremely insightful book is a "must read" - better yet, it should be listened to in the audio edition. The audio edition contains sections of the taped interviews with Morrie, which goes beyond what one can get from reading the book.
Other books with Morrie Schwartz are:
Morrie In his own words with an introduction by Paul Solomon, published by Doubleday.
Letting Go Morrie's Reflections on Living While Dying, by Morrie Schwartz, published by Walker and Company.
Living With Grief: Who We Are, How We Grieve Edited by Kenneth J. Doka and Joyce D. Davidson, published by Brunner/Mazel. This is a text which produced as a companion to the Hospice Foundation of America's fifth annual National Bereavement Teleconference. It was written for those who cope professionally with terminal illness, death, and the process of grief. Not lite reading, this book provides great insight on ethnicity, culture, spirituality and much more. For anyone wishing to learn more about who we are and how we grieve, this is an excellent book to consider. There are two very good authors worth noting. Alan Wolfelt and Earl Grollman have both written a number of books dealing with death and grieving. Their books are full of pertinent, useful information and both of them are required reading in many schools of Mortuary Science. You will not go wrong if you chose any book written by either of these authors.
Support Groups
Support Groups — There are many local resources available to those who feel they need help in adjusting to a loss. Please contact the funeral home or your local clergy to get the help that best suits your needs. Below are a number of national organizations which offer help to survivors of certain types of losses.
Twinless Twin Support Group www.fwi.com/twinless International network founded in 1985. Supports Parents as well as twins who have lost a twin or multiple sibling. They assist in the set-up of local support groups, have videos available and publish the "Twinless Times" and "Twinsworld" magazines. Contact the Twinless Twin Support Group, c/o Dr. Raymond Brandt
11220 St. Joe Road, Fort Wayne, IN 46835-9737
Phone (219) 627-5414 - Fax (219) 627-5414
Rainbows International www.rainbows.org 7000 affiliated groups founded 1983. Establishes peer support groups in churches, schools or social agencies for children and adults who are grieving a death, divorce or other painful transition in their family. They provide an online newsletter, information and referrals. Contact the RAINBOWS
2100 Golf Road, #370, Rolling Meadows, IL 60008-4231
Phone (847) 952-1770 - Fax (847) 952-1774
National Donor Family Council www.kidney.org 52 affiliated groups, founded in 1991. Provides mutual support for families who have donated tissues or organs from a loved one who died. They offer literature, programs, local resources, newsletter and more. Contact NDFC c/o National Kidney Foundation
30E. 33rd Street, New York, New York 10016
Phone (800) 622-9010 - Fax (212) 689-9261
Wings of Light Inc. www.wingsoflight.org Has 3 support networks, founded in 1995. Provides a support and information network for individuals whose lives have been affected by aviation accidents. They help survivor's families and friends, airline crew members and rescue workers. Contact Wings of Light, Inc., PMB 448
16845 North 29th Ave, Suite 1, Phoenix, AZ 85053
Phone (800) 613-8531
Motherless Daughters, Inc. www.dfwnet.com/md 65 affiliated groups, founded in 1995. Provides information, referrals and support for women and girls who have experienced an early mother loss. Contact Motherless Daughters, Inc.
Prince Street Station, Box 663, New York, New York 10012
Phone (212) 614-8041 - Fax (212) 614-8047
Motherloss * Online www.win.bright.net/~cnelson/links.htm Founded in 1996, supports adult children who have lost their mothers to death. Helps with grieving issues and offers other links.
M.I.S.S. Foundation www.misschildren.org Places for parents to share their grief after the death of a child, read poetry, locate local support groups and plan a goodbye ceremony. M.I.S.S. is a nonprofit, volunteer based organization committed to providing emergency support to parents after the death of their baby; stillbirth, neonatal death, premature birth, congenital anomalies, SIDS, and any child's death. This is a web-based place for support — we saw no telephone number or mailing address to aid those without Internet access.
WidowNet www.fortnet.org/WidowNet This website helps individuals with the loss of a spouse find a local support group and provides online e-mail lists and chat lines for grief support.
WidowNet is an information and self-help resource for and by, widows and widowers. Topics covered include grief, bereavement, recovery, and other information helpful to people, of all ages, religious backgrounds and sexual orientations, who have suffered the death of a spouse or life partner. This is a web-based place for support - we saw no telephone number or mailing address to aid those without Internet access.
The Center for Family Caregivers of Aging Relatives www.caregiving.com A website providing support and information for those caring for aging parents or other relatives. This is a web-based place for support — we saw no telephone number or mailing address to aid those without Internet access.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, Inc. www.taps.org A national non-profit organization made up of, and providing services to, all those who have lost a loved one while serving in the Armed Forces. The heart of "TAPS" is their national military survivor peer support network. They also offer grief counseling referral, case worker assistance and crisis information, all available to help families and military personnel cope and recover. These services are offered 24 hours a day free of charge! For more information call: 1-800-959-TAPS (8277)
Car Accident Family Website www.stresspress.com/newmain.htm The Car Accident Foundation gathers and shares lessons and wisdom from thousands of families who have suffered accidents and losses over the years and makes that learning available to families now recovering from an accident. Contact The Car Accident Foundation Inc.
203 Washington Street, Suite # 313, Salem, MA 01970-6500
Toll Free (888) 351-3340, Voice (978) 744-6784, Fax (978) 744-6789
M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) www.mend.org M.E.N.D. is a Christian not-for-profit corporation whose purpose is to reach out to those who have lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death and offer a way to share experiences and information through support groups, the bi-monthly newsletter, and their Internet website. They can be contacted at M.E.N.D., P.O. Box 1007, Coppell, TX 75019 Phone (888) 695-6363
Pen-Parents Inc. www.penparents.org Pen-Parents is a specially designed support network of grieving parents who have experienced pregnancy loss or the death of a child(ren) through adulthood. They provide an opportunity for bereaved parents to talk about their child(ren) through a pen-pal type service by networking them with others in similar situations. Contact them at Pen-Parents, Inc.
P.O. Box 8738, Reno, NV 89507-8738
Phone (702) 826-7332
Fax (702) 829-0866
SHARE — Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Inc. www.nationalshareoffice.com The mission of SHARE to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death. The primary purpose is to provide support toward positive resolution of grief experienced at the time of, or following the death of a baby. The secondary purpose of SHARE is to provide information, education, and resources on the needs and rights of bereaved parents and siblings. The objective is to aid those in the community, including family, friends, employers, members of the congregation, caregivers and others in their supportive role. Contact the National SHARE Office: St. Joseph Health Center
300 First Capitol Drive, St. Charles, Missouri 63301-2893
Phone (800) 821-6819 or (636) 947-6164
Fax (636) 947-7486
Also available is an Atlanta Based Share site at: www.shareatlanta.org
A local Share support group meets at St. Peter's University Hospital in New Brunswick. Call for more information (732) 745-8600 Ext. 5214