Funeral Services

Funerals are far from a service which deals only with the (dignified) disposition of those who have died. Funerals help the living survivors and friends to:

• Acknowledge that a death has occurred. Often it is only after a person "sees" the person that they fully believe deep down in side that it is true.
• Encourages family and friends to share their feelings and thoughts and helps them to support each other.
• Provides a place and time to reflect on the life once lived.
• Provides an opportunity for friends and acquaintances to pay their respects.
• Help survivors to mourn so they may deal with their loss and learn to adjust to living without the deceased.

Embalming provides for the disinfecting and restoration of a body to a pleasant appearance similar to that from when the person was alive. It also greatly retards the processes that cause the breakdown of the body after death.

Though not always required by law, embalming is very beneficial. When a person dies it is often not a pleasant sight to behold. Those who have witnessed a death will have that picture in their minds forever. By embalming and having a viewing, those who see the person will have a much better picture to relate with their memories of them. It also affords families more time to make decisions, allowing family members enough time to travel to attend services, and have more flexibility in scheduling services.

The process of preparing a body for a viewing varies in time and with the steps necessary to render. Sheenan Funeral Home treats each case individually and strives for perfection. "Good enough" is not how they think and they are very proud of their work.

Everything! From helping families in making arrangements to preparing the body to scheduling services to supervising all aspects of the funeral and much more!

A licensed funeral director is available 24 hours a day 365 days a year to attend to the needs of a family when a death occurs. Though their main responsibility revolves around the caring for the deceased and their families, funeral directors do not sit idly when a funeral is complete. The funeral directors at Sheenan Funeral Home have other responsibilities which keep them busy. They help people plan for the future and control rising costs with Sheenan's Advance Planning Program. They also give seminars on a wide variety of topics to all kinds of groups from school age to senior citizens groups.

The funeral directors are also responsible for this web-site and they publish their own newsletter. The job of a funeral director can be a very rewarding one. It is also very demanding at times and full of challenges. For a person who likes and cares about people, being a funeral director can be a great occupation to chose.

There are a number of resources for people with limited funds. County welfare agencies do provide death benefits for those already receiving assistance. It can be problematic for those who have died without assets who have not been on any kind of government assistance. Sheenan Funeral Home believes that everyone deserves a meaningful and dignified funeral. They will work with families with little means to find a way of providing just such a funeral.

A lump sum death benefit of $255.00 is given to a surviving spouse or dependant children only. This amount has been fixed for the longest time and has not increased at all with inflation. Funeral homes report deaths to Social Security on form SSA-721, however, it is recommended for families to contact Social Security themselves to assure that they will receive this death benefit.

Unfortunately there is no one answer that fits all. Financial consideration depends on what benefits the person was receiving prior to death. Members of the military on active duty can be eligible for more.

All veterans are eligible to receive the following:

• An American flag
• Burial (no cost) in the Brigadier General William C. Doyle Veterans Memorial Cemetery (in north Hanover Township, Burlington County, NJ) for the veteran and spouse. Burial in Arlington National Cemetery, outside Washington, DC may not be possible due to size constraints, however, those who are not eligible for burial may be able to have cremated remains placed in a niche at the cemetery.
• Bronze or granite grave marker may be provided for private graves which do not have a marker already in place.

It is important that survivors realize that all benefits must be applied for within two years from the date of death of a veteran. To learn more about assistance, contact the Veterans Administration at (800) 827-1000 or at www.va.gov

Contact Sheenan Funeral Home by telephone, or e-mail. You can also check the resource section of this web-site for recommended reading and for other links on the internet.

Cremation is a process of preparing the body for its ultimate disposition. The body, in a casket or alternative container is subjected to extremely high temperatures and all that is left after the process are bone fragments. The resulting "cremated remains" can be buried, entombed in a niche, kept in an urn in the home, partially scattered as to keep a small portion of the remains, or fully scattered.

The difference is only in the means of disposition. Everyone, regardless of where their body will be finally placed, can have a viewing, religious and other types of services and ceremonies with the body present, plus whatever else they may wish. Those choosing cremation should not feel like they, and their families must settle for less.

A "direct" cremation or burial by definition means that once notified, the funeral home will simply take the persons body and either bury or have it cremated within forty eight hours — but at the convenience of the funeral home. This is akin to having an (almost) immediate disposal. Please read-on:

Sheenan Funeral Home cares for the well being of the survivors of every death. They are here to do what the family wishes and do perform direct services. As one probably expects, a direct disposition from a funeral home providing "Sensitive Service" is the best direct service one can get.

With very few exceptions, every deceased person arriving at Sheenan Funeral Home will be washed, groomed and clothed prior to being placed in a casket or alternative container. At least one family member or friend is asked to come in and identify the body prior to burial or cremation. This identification, or short viewing is not limited to just a few people, the whole family may attend if they wish. For this, the casketed body will be placed in a viewing area and the environment is made as comfortable as possible. This makes certain that the survivors will have no question that the right person has been taken care of and that they received the utmost in care. This is especially important when there is a cremation, since there is no way of verifying anything after the fact.

Talk with a Sheenan funeral director to learn more on this subject.

We have devoted a whole section on advance planning and we encourage you to read it in its entirety.

Planning in advance removes the guess work survivors can face when arranging for a funeral. Having all of the important information gathered also makes it much easier on survivors. By planning in advance one can prevent a financial burden left to survivors and go a long ways to help limit rising future costs.

Planning ahead for a funeral is just like planning for college and retirement — it just makes sense!

Funerals are not as expensive as one may think. The actual cost can vary greatly depending on the services and merchandise selected. The other factor greatly affecting the total cost is the cost of grave or mausoleum space. What may be seen as expensive by one may be seen as low-cost to others. Don't take anyone's word, see for yourself.

Some of the higher ranking costs a family will likely encounter include weddings, private schooling, college education, daycare for younger children, home buying, cars (not only new, but used as well), hospital stays and even some vacations! So, when looking at expenses associated with birth, schooling, clothing, shelter and retirement, the funeral is the least expensive of all of those other necessary costs!

By choosing an established and responsible funeral home. Sheenan Funeral Home is very in-tune with rising costs associated with both caring for the deceased and for the operating of the funeral home. Tom has long term plans in place which should keep Sheenan's charges from ever rising faster than normal inflation.

The best thing one can do to help control costs is to ask Sheenan about funding a funeral in advance. By the use of a funeral planning program most of the costs associated with a funeral in the future can be locked in with today's prices. Funeral planning is designed to keep pace with the rising cost of funerals) Please read our section on advance planning.

There are a number of ways of celebrating the life once lived and there are a number of methods of final disposition. Combine the choice of a final disposition with the choice of a type of ceremony with the choice of viewing and you can have a great number of combinations to choose from. In planning a funeral, it is difficult to work out all the choices and details by phone or e-mail. It would also take too much space here to try and include all of the possible combinations of choices one can make. The funeral directors at Sheenan Funeral Home are great listeners, and know what questions to ask. After first listening, they can offer the right combination of choices to make the right kind of special service one has come to expect from the Sheenan Funeral Home.

Regardless of your belief's or background, your attendance will mean more than you can imagine to the survivors.

At a wake or visitation the deceased will be in a casket, usually surrounded by flowers, pictures and perhaps some cherished items to bring back good memories. You can approach the casket and acknowledge the reality of the death, remember some good thoughts about the person and if you wish, say a prayer. If you are too uncomfortable to get close to the casket there is nothing wrong with staying away from it. Your being there and showing support to the surviving family members is what's important.

At a service in a church, the actual course of events varies from denomination to denomination. Don't feel uncomfortable with knowing what to do. Sheenan's staff is there to help you, and you can also follow others more familiar with that church and what will happen. It is not hypocritical for a non Christian to attend a funeral service. Your attendance shows support to the survivors and greatly helps all of you readjust to living without the deceased.

Depending on whether a person was practicing in a conservative or reformed way will affect how their funeral service will be conducted. Usually a service will be held the next day following the death and there is no open casket viewing. There will be no flowers as tributes either. Regardless of your beliefs or background, your attendance will mean more than you can imagine to the survivors.

At a funeral home service there will most likely be a table with yarmulkes (caps) for men and veils for women. Wearing them is a sign of respect for the deceased and their families. There will be a religious service followed with the casket being taken immediately to the hearse following the service. A procession will then follow to the cemetery and have a short service at graveside. Sheenan's staff will take care of the procession and the Rabbi will guide everyone through the graveside service.

Following funeral services a Jewish family will stay at home to receive friends. This is to mourn the loss and to receive support from family and friends. During this time family members refrain from enjoyment or pleasure, and are not to be concerned with their own appearance or vanity. You will see that men do not shave and women will not use cosmetics.

Prior to the funeral, there is little contact with the family. Caring for the loss of a loved one is their responsibility and it is best to offer your condolences and help after the funeral has taken place — during the Shiva. Following the burial, the family's first meal will be prepared for them by relatives or friends. When visiting a family in Shiva you may find the front door unlocked. Tradition has it that visitors will let themselves in and the family in mourning will start the conversation.

Non Jewish visitors should not worry about doing the wrong thing or feel out of place. Regardless of ones own religious beliefs, the recognizing that a death has occurred and showing support is a universal human trait. Family members will greatly appreciate your being there and will explain to you anything you do not understand.

A private service is one in which the immediate family is in attendance. This can be done for a number of reasons. Friends and acquaintances should avoid jumping to conclusions as to the reason they are not invited. Some deaths may be extremely difficult to deal with and the immediate survivors may feel that they do not have the strength to be around others.

There are plenty of other reasons that can be considered and though a service is private, chances are that the family will still need your support. Depending on your relationship, you can best decide how and when to contact them. Experts agree that it is not recommended to ignore the fact that someone has died. It is appropriate to talk about the person who has died and offer support. Grief shared, is grief diminished. Do, respect the family's privacy, and if they do not wish to discuss any of the details surrounding the death, don't push them.

A memorial service by definition is any service in which the body is not present. They are commonly held after regular funeral services have been completed. You may see this at the workplace to offer a time for all employees to mourn the loss. You also may see this following a direct cremation, or even after an immediate burial.

A pallbearer is a person who helps carry the casket containing the person who has died. The casket is carried from the funeral home to the hearse, to church and at some cemeteries may be carried to the grave. In many cases pallbearers are family members and friends. This is seen as an honor to be asked to participate in a funeral in this capacity. Most often there will be six pallbearers, though sometimes four will do well.

There are also "honorary pallbearers" who can accompany the casket and participate in the service without actually carrying the casket. Families who do not have people who can participate as pallbearers should not fret. Sheenan's directors can arrange to have their own pallbearers fill in.

Funerals are, in many cases more formal than informal. Business suits for men and either a suit or appropriate attire for women will do just fine. However, if you do not own a suit, your attendance in your best clothes will be far better than not attending. Wearing black is not necessary. Those who in order to attend a funeral or wake, must go right from work or during a break, can go in their work uniform since what is most important is being there.

Sometimes it is better to say less than a lot. Your job as a supporter to the immediate survivors as well as being someone who has also felt the pain of the loss is to acknowledge what has happened and share your grief.

It is fine to simply say that "I'm sorry." You can bring up a personal remembrance you have of the person and offer your support. It is not a good idea to bring up the idea that "it may be for the best" or make any kind of conclusions about the situation. No two people grieve the same way and your thoughtful statement may have a negative impact.

What is very important is your presence and acknowledgement of their situation. Even in a very crowded viewing it does make sense to at least briefly speak with the immediate survivors. One seemingly uncomfortable situation is when you are in a line meeting survivors and do not know anyone. It's best to simply identify yourself and your relation to the deceased. You could simply say something like "I have worked with Joe for the past few years and wanted to express my condolences to you." It's good that survivors have an idea on who has attended the visiting to hear the expressions of sympathy.

Drive with your headlights on and pay careful attention to all traffic signs. While it is customary for other drivers to stop and allow funeral processions to stay together, some drivers for whatever reason may not extend that courtesy. Your safety is of paramount importance. Depending on the circumstances, the lead car of the funeral may pull the procession to the side of the road to allow for drivers caught at a light to catch-up.

When approaching a church, look first to see if a staff member is directing cars on how to park before finding a parking space on your own. At the cemetery, wait for directions before getting out of your car. Often the procession will stop a ways from the grave in order to allow for setting up casket and flowers for the graveside service. Once ready, cars will be directed closer to the grave, and be sure to turn off your lights when parking. We also recommend that you open a window at least part way to both hear instructions and as a measure to prevent keys from being locked in the car.

Some families would rather have you make a donation to a charity or organization in the name of the deceased as opposed to sending in flowers.

A mass card indicates that a Catholic Mass for the deceased has been arranged. These cards are available at any Catholic Church. If you need help obtaining a mass card, just ask any of the staff for more information.

By all means call them and express your sympathy. The call can be short, but acknowledging that you are aware of what has happened and expressing some sympathy will go a long way to helping the survivors mourn their loss.

That's OK. You are not alone. In fact, we bet that no one really "wants" to go to a funeral. It's important not only for the immediate survivors, but also for you to go, acknowledge that loss and share your feelings. The fact that a death has occurred will never change. Your life will also be different, living without this person. It is much healthier to at least briefly attend the visitation than to try and ignore or forget about the loss. There is also no rule that you must approach the casket. Seeing the family, even briefly will benefit everyone more than you can imagine.

Even at the earliest age, children can both recognize and be affected by the loss of someone. At the very least, children must be told that a death has occurred and be given the opportunity to cry and grieve the loss.

The Sheenan Funeral Home believes that children should be encouraged — but not forced — to attend funerals. Children should be supervised and limits be put on their behavior so they may be considerate of others. Based on a child's maturity and attention span it may be best to limit the amount of time that child attends a visitation. If possible, one could arrange for a neighbor or friend to take children home early so their parents can remain at the viewing or services until they wish to leave.

Pamphlets and books are available for parents to help them better deal with better communicating with their children. Feel free to call for more advice.